Cat people and horror

ImageI recently got a new kitten. I renamed her because she was given the misfortune of being called ‘Elsa.’ Since she is a cat and not a cow I decided to name her Isis. I’ve got a thing for Myths and Mythological names. I didn’t want to name her Bastet. I don’t like B names.

I almost named her Eris but that would be like naming her Trouble.

She’s a Ginger (more orange) like me so I like to imagine we are both soulless, going about the world, I get a freckle for every soul I steal, she gets a new stripe…

I’ve owned cats my entire life. I had a cat that would follow me to school. He’d open doors and come into the classroom. He also put my poor preschool teacher against the wall and she had to call my mother to come get the cat. Sadly someone shot him in the head with a BB gun. Since teenagers can be dicks.

I digress. Isis is reminding me of some important things about cats I had forgotten (I do have another cat but he isn’t really a cat), they’re all slightly evil. She wants to be petted, she crawls into your lap and purrs. She licks your cheek but she is actually just tenderizing the meat because you ‘awe’ at the kisses then she bites.

Cats are so cute you can spend hours wasting your time on YouTube staring at them. Even when they’re fighting with each other you’re laughing because there is something adorable about them.

But they’re evil. A dog gets into trouble and you punish it. A cat gets into trouble, you punish it, then wake up in the morning to find your house destroyed. Dogs feel bad. (At least mine does.) Cats don’t. They just learn to do the thing you don’t want them to do when you’re not around.

I think this is why cats always end up being evil in horror. Why they are considered to be ‘bad luck’ especially black ones. A dog shows up in the horror genre you go ‘yeah… that dog is going to die.’ A cat shows up, usually hissing, and you think ‘where is the witch?’

Pet Semetary wouldn’t have the same creepy element to it if Church was a dog. It wouldn’t be sneaking around the place. If Church was a dog it would be bouncing around even with an evil spirit in its husk of a body.

What about Cujo? The dog had to be infected by rabies to be evil. Not to mention Stephen King doesn’t even remember writing that novel so it shouldn’t even count. Do you remember that sad movie where the cat got rabies and was then put to death? Me either.

I think it is because there is a shred of independent thought to cats. Dogs can be very smart. I own a Border Collie Australian Shepherd mix and she is so smart she is stupid (chases her reflection in the glass door) but all she wants to do is please. I have to tell her ‘good puppy’ in an overly affectionate mommy-voice.

I do that to my cat she runs away. Or looks at me like I’m crazy.

I’ve noticed that people who are dog people generally like comedy movies. My husband loves the Hangover and he’s definitely a dog person. He hates horror movies. He says it is to predictable and doesn’t scare him. I hate comedy movies and think they’re predictable, predictably stupid.

Most people I know that have an affection for horror share that affection for cats as well. I think there is a connection somewhere.

It is a true tragedy that black cats get such a bad rapt.  In fact black cats (dog too) are more likely to be killed instead of adopted. Isis is my first orange cat. I generally own black. So if you’re ever looking to adopt, go black! I originally was looking for a black cat but when I told people this they get suspicious and ask me why, like I’m going to sacrifice it in some voodoo ritual.

As I was saying earlier I do have another cat. His name is Spaz and that is a practical name for him. It says it all. We also call him Shit Head. Not because we’re mean owners but because he is a Shit Head who doesn’t cover his shit or clean his butt. But he’s horribly sweet and is confused about this whole cat thing. Everyone who meets him thinks he’s the greatest cat ever, he has his own fan club.

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This is kitty seat. One of Spaz’s many talents.Image

Spaz is 15 lbs of love.

You know how dogs annoy you the moment you walk in the door wanting your love and affection? That is this cat. He lives off of love. I’ve decided if anyone comes into our house and the cat doesn’t like them they have to leave. He plays with the dog, like a dog. They wrestle. He fell off his cat tree backwards the other day. Hit the dog kennel beside it. Almost didn’t land on his feet.

He is better suited for a comedy. Isis on the other hand… I finally have my evil companion.

Now if only she would let me write my novel instead of helping to distract me from it.

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The Head-less Writer

I’m a writer.

You’re thinking, duh, how else would you be blogging? 

Or

What do you have published?

Or

So, you have no job, probably weigh 600 lbs, don’t shower, and sit on a computer all day trolling Facebook and YouTube.

What claims do I have to being a writer? I’m not 600 lbs and I do shower, especially on Wednesdays, and I’m to cute to be a troll. I do have publications from High School that really don’t count because all copies are to be burned when I get famous.

But I am a writer. I say this because I see the world in words. Everything I see has a sentence that type through my head. How you are reading this is how I see things when I close my eyes.

I’m so obsessed with words that I love watching foreign movies to read the subtitles. I watch American shows with subtitles to read the dialogue.

I get mad at my husband for calling me instead of texting me.

Writing is my bliss.

I want to write the world. I want to play God. I want to make (fictional) people suffer if they don’t worship me. I send them to hell, I give them heaven, I generally kill them in horrible ways….

I’m a horror/fantasy writer. It’s a weird thing to be because you scare yourself. A lot. And you see things differently, a lot.

The best way to explain this is to go backwards in time to a baby shower I attended. We played one of those baby shower games where we had to name the movie. All the movies had the word ‘baby’ in it. So the hostess would say “Blank dollar baby” and the answer would “Million Dollar Baby.”

One of the movies she said was “Baby on…”

And I immediately shout out “Fire.”

Everyone stares at me. After all I’m holding a seventh month old in my lap, my own son. I’m wearing a pretty dress, I have a rainbow-beaded necklace on my four-year old daughter made for me- why in the world would I think of a baby being on fire. We all have a good laugh about it, I explain that it could be a pet name for someone. There could be a comma in there or an explanation point at the end that makes that title okay.

Let us take this example further into the same event. 

The theme for this particular baby shower was owls and the pregnant friend is having a baby girl. Another good friend of mine is also having a girl and I plan on helping her with her baby shower. While trying to find a gift for girl number one this conversation comes up with girl number two:

Friend: “I find owls to be extremely creepy. I don’t want any creepy owls staring down at my baby.”

Me: “Well butterflies are attracted to dead bodies, how is that any better?” (Her daughter’s room is done with a butterfly theme.)

You’ll probably understand as you read more of what I blog. To put it simply and in picture form: horror writers/thinks/fans can’t just be the Queen of Hearts. They have to be the Queen of Hearts with her head chopped off.

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